My husband is on a diet
he has started skipping, hopping
it`s murder in the supermarket
whenever we go shopping.
I`m not allowed a biscuit
chocolate, sweets or cake
so I go along with everything
for his beer belly sake.
He says..the cat it eats too much
it`s eating like a hog
it should find mice are rather nice
and we shouldn`t spoil the dog.
We are into fruit and pasta
we are eating fish like mad
eating lettuce every day
it really is quite sad.
Then on the weekend he goes down the pub
and does he give up beer?
does he ask for slim line
or grapefruit juice..no fear
he is quaffing great big pints of ale
I ask about the diet
Let me do it my way he says
So Iv`e gone rather quiet.
I have secret bars of chocolate
I`m having secret steaks
at weekends I`m on the brandy
jellies tarts and cakes
It`s funny he says, we are not losing weight
after all our strong endeavour
in fact husband, cat and dog and me
are all quite bigger than ever.
